


i’ve been hiding for so long

by mygenderisfrog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Deamus, F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character of Color, M/M, Second War with Voldemort, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter), Trans Female Character, Useless Lesbians, larvati
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygenderisfrog/pseuds/mygenderisfrog
Summary: Five times Parvati taught Lavender something, and one time Lavender taught Parvati.Title of course is inspired by lesbian anthem girls by girlinredTW for transphobic remarks in the fifth section, but nothing too triggering.
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Parvati Patil, Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, if you squint
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	i’ve been hiding for so long

**1.** _First Year_

Lavender clutched at her too-big uniform skirt, the one her mother had bought on the cheap in the clearance section of Madame Malkin’s. Lavender’s mum, Charlotte, had worked overtime mopping floors at the Ministry to make sure her daughter had supplies for school. 

As she boarded the train, Lavender shot one last nervous glance at her mother, who had bags under her eyes and too many wrinkles for a woman of thirty but smiled as she waved to the retreating train.

Lavender found an empty compartment and shoved her trunk under the maroon seats. After a few minutes of staring at the countryside through the the large windows, a brown-skinned girl with a tear stained face opened the door.

“Would it be alright if I sit here?”

Lavender started. “Of course, that’s fine. Are you quite alright, you seem a bit...” she trailed off, staring concernedly as her new companion sat down across from her.

“I will be, it’s just my sister. She’s completely abandoned me, and we haven’t even started school yet.” The girl continued with her tale. As it turned out, her twin sister had left her at the platform for a group of second year Ravenclaws. The story made Lavender fume. She didn’t have siblings, much less a twin, but she was confident that she would never do such a thing. And the girl seemed terribly upset.

Lavender made a decision. “Well, if she won’t be kind to you, I think you need a new best friend.”

Her companion smiled. “Sure! I like your bow. What’s your name?”

“Lavender. Lavender Brown.

“I’m Parvati Patil.”

The new friends chatted for a while, until Parvati said, “Your skirt looks uncomfortable. Want me to show you how to make it smaller?”

Lavender was overjoyed at the prospect. Charlotte had purposefully bought a skirt several sizes too big so Lavender wouldn’t grow out of it anytime soon. However, it hung well past the First Year’s knees and was inconvenient to walk around in.

“Please, show me!”

Parvati demonstrated how to roll up the waistband on her own uniform. The skirt became shorter, as if by magic, although Parvati explained that she had learned the trick from one of her older Muggle cousins. 

Lavender, feeling much more confident in her appearance, took Parvati’s small palm in her own, and as the train pulled to a stop they made the shirt boat ride to Hogwarts together, hand in hand.

**2.** _Second Year_

Lavender Brown was many things, but one thing she was not was shy. She was always friendly with her dorm mates, even if Hermoine was a bit serious and almost unapproachably intelligent, Fay Dunbar was flighty and easily distracted, and Jane Goodwin could conservatively be described as a crybaby. Parvati admired her for it, since she herself had a shorter temper and cursed under her breath often in response to her roommates antics. 

“Why’re you so  nice  to them?” Parvati questioned her friend one day after Potions. The Slytherins has been nasty to Lavender all class, making snide comments about her used textbooks and her mother’s job. Lavender had just smiled at them and continued with her work.

"I don’t know, I just don’t want to stoop to their level, I suppose,” the blonde girl replied.

”We need to get back at them,” Parvati decided. “Like itching powder in their beds! Or turning their hair pink. Or-“

”Parvati,” Lavender interrupted. “That’s horrible. We’d be just like Malfoy and his little minions if we did that.

”Lav, you’ve got to stand up for yourself,” Parvati replied. “You can’t let them walk all over you. Besides, we’re both such good students the professors would never suspect us.”

Lavender reluctantly agreed, and when all the second year Slytherins had bright purple robes the next morning at breakfast, the best fiends just giggled behind their pumpkin juice and continued to gossip.

**3.** _Fourth Year_

Parvati had been acting strange for weeks, always coming back to the dorms long past curfew or only being half-present in conversations. Lavender was sick of it.

”Where have you been lately? You sneak out at night, you ignore my notes in class, and we never even talk anymore.” Lavender had cornered her best friend in the dorm after Charms.

Parvati looked startled, not having expected the interrogation. She made the sudden decision to tell Lavender what she had only recently admitted to herself.

”Lav… we’ll always be best friends, right?”

Now it was Lavender’s turn to be confused. “Of course.”

Parvati sighed shakily, and blurted, “I’m a lesbian. I’ve been snogging Eva Cuthbert. She’s a Hufflepuff a year above us, and she’s really pretty. I wanted to tell you, it’s just-” 

“It’s fine, Parvati, really,” Lavender interrupted her friend’s nervous babbling. I do have one question, though.”

”What?”

”Do you have crush on me?”

”Wha- Of course not! Just because I like girls doesn’t mean I like  every  girl.” The raven-haired girl tried to ignore the twist in her gut, the one she got anytime she wasn’t being entirely truthful.

Lavender smiled at her, satisfied. They fell into some silly conversation about the Tournament, and Parvati drifted into a peaceful sleep.

**4.** _ Fifth Year _

Parvati and Lavender walked tiredly back to their dorm room after a long detention with Umbridge, which they had received for “excessive giggling in the halls.” They suddenly heard commotion in the dorm below them, the one for Fourth Years, and sounds of crying. They made eye contact and silently agreed to go down to investigate.

“Ye don’t belong ‘ere. Get out of ‘ere an’ go the men’s dorm where ya belong, silly lad,” a feminine voice with a thick Irish accent spoke.

As they opened to door, the pair saw three girls with sneers on their faces taunting a tall, gangly girl who Parvati recognized. She sometimes tutored younger students in the library, and the girl, Rose, came to almost every session. She was almost in tears by then.

”Hey arseholes,” Parvati started, and Lavender grinned slightly at her friend’s eloquent wording, “Leave her alone. What’s could Rose have done to you?”

The Irish girl spoke first. “He’s boy in the girl’s lodgings,” she sneered nastily. “He’s a freak and a perv.” 

“Well it seems a bit more perverted to be harassing someone in their own bedroom,” Lavender challenged. “Piss off, or me and Parvati’ll hex you into next week.” She thought for a moment, and added, “And we’ll tell McGonagall.”

The first two girls, who wore matching  Inquisitorial Squad  badges (the only Gryffindors to have joined Umbridge’s club) seemed to forget their power and hightailed it out of there.

“Are you alright, love?” Lavender asked as she and Parvati helped Rose up from the floor.

”Yes, I - I’m f-fine. Thank you - you.”

As the two friends left, waving goodbye to the smaller girl, Lavender asked nervously, “So, she’s a girl?” Lavender asked tentatively. “I recognize her from your little study group but she wasn’t…” she trailed off.

”I thinks she’s - what’s the word?” Parvati said. “Transgender! It sort of means she was born with a male body, but she’s a girl on the inside. My uncle Kabir is like that, but the other way around.”

Lavender thought this over for a moment and nodded her understanding, and she and Parvati walked back to the dorms. Lavender was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice Parvati staring at her with a longing smile on her face.

**5.** _Sixth Year_

Emotions were high in the sixth year girls dorms that year. Hermione hadn’t spoken to Lavender since she started dating Ron and barely acknowledged Parvati. Fay and Jane learned to stay well out of the other three’s ways when they got angry. 

Parvati was miserable. She had lost her best friend, possible crush (no, she wouldn’t go there, as much as she wanted to admit it.) (but that didn’t make it any less true). 

Whenever she and Lavender did have a chance to talk, it was usually about Ron and how  handsome and  kind he was. Those conversations were few and far between anyhow, since Lav and Ron seemed to be constantly snogging in various broom closets. Parvati had never held any ill will against Ron Weasley, but honestly, there was a line, and it had been crossed. 

Before Lavender and Ron started dating, boys were nothing but a far-off species to be observed and occasionally giggled at. Now, boys were things to be claimed. Every day in the Great Hall, students discussed who had who, who snogged who, who fancied who. Parvati was sick of it, and decided one boring day in lunch that she was sworn off boys. 

Which was what made it so surprising when Seamus Finnigan sat down next to her in the common room with a sour expression on his face, and she hadn’t stalked back up to her dorm. 

“Do ye ever feel like the people you’ve known practically your whole life have drifted away? And ye don’t even know why?” Seamus said suddenly. 

“All the time,” she admitted. “And it’s like, now that they’re in relationships they can’t even make time for their best mates!” 

Seamus voiced his agreement, and they complained about their respective best friends. It was mostly just ranting to each other, not a real conversation, until Parvati said, “It’s almost like I’m jealous of Ron, of being that close to her - even though I’m not, obviously, that’d be...” 

The Irish boy agreed. “I sometimes want to be in Ginny’s position, to have that kind of relationship with him. Even though I don’t!” 

They talked for a bit more before heading off to bed, both their heads swimming with realizations, fear, and love.

•••

The next morning, Parvati confronted her best friend, and the two got into the biggest argument they’d ever had. They screamed, cried and screamed some more. 

“You’re only in this relationship so you can say you have a boyfriend, not because you love him,” Parvati spat. 

"As- as if! You’re just jealous,” Lavender countered, but something in her wavered, and it was clear her friend had struck a cord. The blonde girl turned on her heel and ran off, tears streaking down her face. 

Lavender broke up with the youngest Weasley son the next day.

**6.** j _Seventh Year_

Parvati and Lavender were hiding out in the Room of Requirement. They had just gotten back from a “mission”, as the DA called them; These usually involved graffiti, glamour charms and a plethora of Bat-Bogey Hexes, courtesy of Ginny Weasley. 

They had long since made up from their fight, and neither of them had much time to worry about boys since started Seventh Year. Now, they leaned on each other’s shoulders in front of the warm fireplace, legs curled underneath them and hair curling around their faces. 

“Parvati,” Lavender said, barely more than a whisper. “I think - I think I love you. And I know you don’t feel the same way and I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak, but it’s a goddamn war and I’m not dying before I say some-,” her confession was interrupted by Parvati gripping the side of her face and pulling her into a tender kiss, which was quickly reciprocated. 

It was like there had been a hole in Lavender’s heart that she had barely noticed was there until the kiss, and the hole desperately needed to be filled. 

She had hid everything; her feelings for Parvati, her fears about the war, for  so long,  but now that the secrets were out in the open, Lavender had never felt more alive.

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is super shitty but here u go. i wrote this because i am a useless gay who doesn’t want to do their homework, and i am obsessed with girls at hogwarts being absolutely steamrolled for each other.  
> also i know the “born in a male body” thing is hella outdated, but they’re teens in the 90’s with next to no knowledge on gender  
> i hope this was worth reading, and if you comment i officially owe you a life debt.  
> -elliott


End file.
